I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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