took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
it glows. i had to have it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm sobbing to NWA
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
