Texts From Last Night

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  (347): View more from New York

  i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours

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  (347): i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours http://tfl.nu/3wc8
  Replies (33) Good night (4514) Bad night (1864)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins

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  (231): Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins http://tfl.nu/vh4d
  Replies (10) Good night (1655) Bad night (3212)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.

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  (513): sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces. http://tfl.nu/5w4e
  Replies (16) Good night (6997) Bad night (1010)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.

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  (910): A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work. http://tfl.nu/czmo
  Replies (7) Good night (3719) Bad night (928)
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  (845): View more from New York

  she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave

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  (845): she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave http://tfl.nu/ylty
  Replies (5) Good night (1090) Bad night (3095)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"

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  (859): in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick" http://tfl.nu/v34k
  Replies (18) Good night (4967) Bad night (1144)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.

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  (404): Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me. http://tfl.nu/r7qw
  Replies (10) Good night (2225) Bad night (665)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok

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  (412): I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok http://tfl.nu/vgre
  Replies (7) Good night (2217) Bad night (617)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.

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  (913): Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis. http://tfl.nu/77ah
  Replies (5) Good night (1015) Bad night (586)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.

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  (512): Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely. http://tfl.nu/gnvv
  Replies (4) Good night (1106) Bad night (566)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.

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  (248): The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager. http://tfl.nu/apbs
  Replies (0) Good night (562) Bad night (655)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered

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  (336): I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered http://tfl.nu/tx8s
  Replies (4) Good night (975) Bad night (381)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital

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  (613): Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital http://tfl.nu/nh6p
  Replies (8) Good night (1617) Bad night (453)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...

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  (713): Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ... http://tfl.nu/86td
  Replies (2) Good night (328) Bad night (675)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.

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  (405): Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay. http://tfl.nu/oj1t
  Replies (3) Good night (845) Bad night (356)

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