She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts