Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.

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  (816): My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won. http://tfl.nu/68w0
  Replies (4) Good night (975) Bad night (1092)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  My penis looks like a roll of pennies

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh. Ok. I get the hint.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...

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  (404): My penis looks like a roll of pennies (303): Oh. Ok. I get the hint. (404): Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird... http://tfl.nu/xs9r
  Replies (15) Good night (651) Bad night (3162)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.

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  (434): Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad. http://tfl.nu/ab13
  Replies (41) Good night (919) Bad night (3563)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..

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  (514): It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get.. http://tfl.nu/agd7
  Replies (9) Good night (3526) Bad night (1165)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.

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  (661): new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what. http://tfl.nu/4g32
  Replies (27) Good night (5653) Bad night (1499)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk

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  (843): four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk http://tfl.nu/6prh
  Replies (27) Good night (3440) Bad night (941)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?

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  (519): I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right? http://tfl.nu/a685
  Replies (14) Good night (2884) Bad night (1588)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.

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  (832): My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over. http://tfl.nu/z5ao
  Replies (9) Good night (3841) Bad night (805)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator

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  (505): I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator http://tfl.nu/t25w
  Replies (12) Good night (883) Bad night (2533)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.

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  (847): Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it. http://tfl.nu/tedk
  Replies (4) Good night (1297) Bad night (1330)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.

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  (712): Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled. http://tfl.nu/c6e6
  Replies (5) Good night (1585) Bad night (573)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite

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  (949): Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite http://tfl.nu/rl1y
  Replies (7) Good night (722) Bad night (1061)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.

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  (515): As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck. http://tfl.nu/c7nn
  Replies (9) Good night (1035) Bad night (356)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.

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  (414): They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe. http://tfl.nu/qow6
  Replies (3) Good night (393) Bad night (725)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?

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  (301): there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night? http://tfl.nu/hxw0
  Replies (1) Good night (750) Bad night (425)

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