Texts From Last Night

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  (913): View more from Kansas

  So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized

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  (913): So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized http://tfl.nu/gtwy
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.

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  (405): i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy. http://tfl.nu/1yd9
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  (707): View more from California

  i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.

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  (707): i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present. http://tfl.nu/pwew
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"

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  (973): My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items" (973): That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic" http://tfl.nu/yk9d
  Replies (13) Good night (4441) Bad night (885)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building

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  (540): i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building http://tfl.nu/8nc8
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.

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  (847): Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant. http://tfl.nu/q6o4
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  (786): View more from Florida

  She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick

  (305): View more from Florida

  I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.

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  (786): She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick (305): I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius. http://tfl.nu/szcg
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  (845): View more from New York

  all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed

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  (845): all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed http://tfl.nu/tu27
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated

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  (206): Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated http://tfl.nu/xvfw
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  (646): View more from New York

  Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...

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  (646): Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man... http://tfl.nu/jp6y
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick

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  (215): he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick http://tfl.nu/z2ix
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  How do you feel?

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.

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  (970): How do you feel? (1-970): Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again. http://tfl.nu/th8n
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.

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  (512): Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back. http://tfl.nu/xf8c
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.

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  (413): I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night. http://tfl.nu/bi4m
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.

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  (360): I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top. http://tfl.nu/zeve
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