East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
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She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
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Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo