Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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