I'll bet she douches with gravy.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
