where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
