I can text with my tongue
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
