Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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