I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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