Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
