why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my being single is dangerous.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
