Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
