we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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