I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
