listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
