mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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