She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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