i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
