HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
