I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
