new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
