If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
