I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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