you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
