I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
