who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
