Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
