she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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