is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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