I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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