Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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