Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Houston, we have a blender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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