My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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