Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
