Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
