I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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