woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
