I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
