Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
