Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Bring me that man meat
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
