i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
