I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
