You're my little dorito
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
