dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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