I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
