Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
