I should be sponsored by Trojan
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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