how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
