she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
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I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
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I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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