just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
