So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
