Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
