Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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