Will you blow on my dice?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
