I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
