I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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