Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
