You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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