What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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