meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
