no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
