So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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